Arranged marriages are still an integral part of the Indian tradition of many living in Australia.
Sydney-based Ms Kothari says she became a professional matchmaker to add value to others lives in the community.
Highlights:
- Parents of some young Indian people eligible for marriage prefer an arranged marriage.
- The expectations of the senior family members and young people often differ.
- The factor that remains constant, is the preference for a partner from Australia or from New Zealand or the USA.
"When I went for events or get-togethers, friends would ask me to suggest a suitable partner for their kith or kin. So my husband suggested that I start a professional matrimonial service. I have been doing this for the last two and a half years," she tells SBS Hindi.
“I don’t do it to make money, but to add a ray of joy in someone’s life,” she adds.
She says it is not easy to be a match-maker.
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“70 per cent of our clients want a partner for their child or relative to be from the same community. Sometimes from the same sub-caste.”
“I have to explain to them that, first of all, how many Indians do we have here in Australia, and how many people do we have here that belong to your sub-caste and to top it, how many of them will you find in the age group you are looking for?”
She says the young people who are to be married often would like to find their partner on their own but many parents approach her.
“At times they are not even aware that their parents have registered their names for matrimonial purposes. They’d rather find a partner on their own, from their friend circle,” she says.
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'Wanted: Tall, slim and educated': An Indian matchmaker gives a sneak peek into the world of arranged marriages in Australia
SBS Hindi
09/12/202013:12
One thing that both parents and marriageable young people agree to, is the necessity to find a partner from Australia and not from India.
"The eligible ones who were born and brought up in Australia, find it easier to adjust to life with a partner raised here or New Zealand or the UK and USA," she says.
The staple demands are, “A slim tall, fair complexioned, well-educated girl who holds a good job.”
Her advice to young people looking for a suitable match is to look beyond the photos.
“Surprisingly 90% of clients see the photo of a suggested partner and straight away reject the offer. I tell them you have to meet the person and gauge their personality instead of rejecting a person outright if they are not photogenic,” she says.
She says the biggest challenge in the matchmakers' job is to find a suitable partner for an Indian divorcee with a child which is still considered a taboo in the community.
“The man himself might be a divorcee and have a child and the child is in the custody of his ex-wife, but he finds it unacceptable to marry a divorcee with a child. I find that very sad,” says Ms Kothari.
The pandemic period has undoubtedly, slowed down weddings but Ms Kothari says they recently celebrated a wedding on Zoom.
"The boy was from Sydney and the girl from Mumbai. They had met and got engaged in December 2019. The marriage was fixed for May 2020. Due to the pandemic, they had a joyous virtual wedding and two or three days of other virtual ceremonies, with all their relatives from India, Australia, Kenya, and the UK on Zoom," she says.
